I'm concerned that I may not have a job soon, which means I will have no pay coming in during maternity leave. I've never really been able to get into details about my current relationship with my employer but when I left I hooked up with one of their independant rep agencies. I receive my pay from the agency and not from my old employer. I had complete trust in this agency and the person that I was working for. He's been working independantly for years and he was a hard worker. We worked as a team for many years and we got along great and really held a tight grip on our territory. We always had things under control. Well, when I started working for him things changed. I think that he was burned out and he just stopped working. It's catching up to him. Customers are complaining about him, customer service reps are complaining, things are out of control. He doesn't call anyone back and when he does he just makes excuses for himself. Now these people are complaining to me and I can't keep making excuses for him. In fact, my old manager called me at home last week to ask if something was wrong with him. From what I got from the conversation, his days are numbered. My old manager did state that I would always have a job with them. I told him that I don't want to go back into the office and he said he would do the best he can. He feels that I made a smooth transition from office to home and he would relay that message to the rest of management. Now, part of me is left worrying about what will happen but the other part of me is relieved that I won't have to pick up the slack anymore. I'm fustrated and tired. I've made a list of things that we can cut back on and Chad thinks that he can get enough "side work" to make ends meet.

Do some women really go through pregnancy feeling terrific? I'm not so lucky. I'm to the point where I can't get comfortable anyplace. Sleeping is horrific. We've pretty much made the decision that this will be our last child. At one point I was pretty sure that I wanted 3 or 4 kids. This has changed and when I wake for the 15th time in the middle of the night to change position or pee I remind myself that this is my last pregnany and I'll make it.

This morning I woke up to the sounds of a bird flapping around in our house. I tried to get out of bed very quietly but that is hard to do when you're pregnant. Kaelyn woke up right away. The bird was startled when she saw me and kept flying against the screen window. I went into my bedroom and opened all of the windows and then she flew right out. Poor bird must be traumatized. Kaelyn freaked out a little at first and screamed, "We have a wild animal in our house." but then I assured her that the bird was more scared of us than we were of her. I discovered that the bird gained entrance through one of the windows that has an air conditioner. Chad will have to take care of that when he gets home.

I have a toothache tonight. I hope that it isn't a cavity because they probably can't do anything until after I have the baby. I'm not sure. I've never had a cavity before.

Time is just slipping away from me these days. My house needs to be cleaned and everytime I start getting things under control we get busy and things get messy again. Chad is a big help when it comes to housework but he's been quite busy himself.

Last night he worked at the Aerosmith concert. He came home with so much to tell me. First off, he shook hands with Doug Flutie. He worked his usual spot at the stage but they were shooting scenes of Aerosmith for the sequel to Get Shorty. They explained to everyone that in the movie they will make it seem like they are in LA at the Staples Center. They didn't want him to wear his ugly blue security shirt so they gave him a concert t-shirt so that he would blend in with the crowd. He was quite pleased that he got to work at that show. Tomorrow night he is also working at the Tim McGraw concert. I'm a little jealous since he's one of my favorite country artists and he's hot stuff!

Yesterday was the first time that I wondered if I was having some Braxton Hicks contractions. I couldn't finish my salad for lunch because I just felt ill and then I had to breathe through the pain. I only had a few and then I felt fine. I never really experience them when I was pregnant with K.

My EDD is 8/14/04 which also happens to be my deceased FIL birthday. I still have the Fred Flintstone belly but my feet are back to their normal size and I can see my ankles. I'm sure it was just because of the heat and humidity.

My mom has alot on her plate these days. Whenever the going gets tough, she tends to keep herself busy. My sister's blood results haven't come back yet so she's still worrying about that. They are in the process of moving my sister and neice into their house. My brother is a total loser and lost his job AGAIN! He doesn't live with them but these kind of things still worry her. He's 24 years old, its about time he grow up and be responsible. I'm pregnant and she worries about being able to help me out enough. Of course she always worries about me and the baby even though we're perfectly healthy. I guess mothers never stop worrying about their kids and their grandkids.

Tonight is my cousin's wedding. It will be nice to see some of the family that I don't get to see too often. We'll have our digital camera with us and I'll have Chad take a belly picture since I don't have any yet. Kaelyn is sleeping at Chad's cousins house tonight. She is so excited to have a sleepover with her cousins. She has given us stict instructions not to pick her up until after noon time. Chad is golfing in the morning for Father's Day and then we'll pick her up.

The LLL meeting went very well. The two leaders were there and four other moms, including myself. I'm glad I got over my nervousness about meeting new people and I'm anxious for the July meeting.

I'm starting to look like Fred Flintstone. That's the only bad thing about the heat, my feet are a little swollen. I probably notice it more than everyone else because my sandals are a little snug.

Today was the first day that I had A over to help with Kaelyn. I also had invited her sister B who is 8 years old. I knew that Kaelyn and B would play together nicely and it would help A keep Kaelyn entertained. They played in the backyard almost all day. My plan seems to have worked since I got so much work done today but I still have lots more to get done. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and I'm not sure that I'll be able to get all of this work done before the baby arrives. He doesn't seem concerned but I'm going to talk to him about it again tomorrow. I hate feeling this way.

I have so much work to do before the baby arrives. Kaelyn was very bored today and I realized that I really need to bring someone in to help me entertain her. I called and spoke with Chad's cousin's wife to see if they're daughter, she's 12, would be interested in making a little extra money for the summer. She's going to talk to her but she was pretty sure that she would be interested. She'll come over on Monday and Tuesdays. This will allow Kaelyn unlimited playtime outside and it will give me someone to help with her so I can get some work done. I feel comfortable with this. A is very responsible and of course I'll be home.

Tonight I have plans to go to my first La Leche meeting. Chad is busy making supper right now so that I can leave by 5:15pm. It's about 30mins away and I'm not familiar with the area. I'm nervous but I'm hoping to meet some people so that I have some support with breastfeeding once the baby arrives.

Today was K's last day of school. Her teacher said that she was very quiet. When we got home she started crying because she's going to miss her teacher and friends. She's so sensitive. She came home with lots of nice things. Each child made their own scrapbook throughout the year. It is filled with drawings and photos of themselves and their friends. I wish that Mrs. N could be her teacher forever. At least she'll have another year with her.

Why couldn't we ease into summer? Today Chad had to put the a/c in my office because its pretty warm in here. The weatherman seems to think that it is going to cool down by tomorrow. We'll see.

My sister had her appt yesterday and they're running lots of tests. Hopefully we'll have an answer soon. She's having a tough time. She needs to buy a new car because the wheel is ready to fall off of hers. Not only that but I don't think that I mentioned here that she is moving back in with my parents because her boyfriend was cheating on her with his secretary. Scumbag. So we are slowly moving most of her stuff to my parents since she needs to be out of the apartment by the end of June.

I still have 10 weeks of this pregnancy left. Yesterday I thought for sure that I wasn't going to make it. My hip and groin pain was so excruciating that I couldn't move. Chad had to help me into and out of the van. I'm not sure what triggered this as I haven't done anything differently. Today I woke and felt a little better and I was actually able to move. This afternoon I was in pain but not as bad as yesterday. My parents are opening their pool this week and I'm hoping that the hot weather continues. Once the pool is warm enough I'll try to spend alot of time in there. I'm hoping that it will help things.

Tomorrow K's class is going on a field trip to the zoo and I'm going to. It's a small zoo so I should be okay. Most of the mom's are going to so its not like I'll be a true chaperone.

My sister's dr. appt is tomorrow. She had more blood drawn and I'm hoping that things look better. My mom is going with her since I'll be with Kaelyn on her field trip. She's had too many terrible things to deal with lately I'm not sure she can handle anything else. She's moving back in with my parents at the end of the month. I know that she's dreading it. Her and her boyfriend had split up and then he tried to get back together with her until she found out he's been cheating on her with his secretary. She had been with him since before Kaelyn was born and he's been close with our family. I gently broke the news to Kaelyn because she asked why Aunty was moving in with grandma and grandpa. She didn't totally understand but it was funny that she felt so badly for Chad. Just as gently as I explained things to her she told Chad "Daddy, you won't be able to talk to Uncle R. on the phone anymore."

Yesterday was so sunny and warm that Kaelyn and I decided to go to the beach to play in the sand. The beach that we like is less than a mile away. What a difference a mile can make. It was so cold and windy that we only stayed for an hour. It was fun though.

Tonight we are going out with Chad's cousin and his wife. They have appointments to get tattoos with the same guy that does all of Chad's (and the one I have) tattoos. They asked us to go with them. We're going to go out for dinner first. Chad is trying to convince me to let him get another tattoo. I think that I've convinced him to wait a while longer. Eventually, after the baby is born, I'd like to have the girls' names added to my tattoo and add some color too.

This month our town holds a "big pickup" garbage collection day. Ours is in a couple of weeks. We've already started purging and it is such a relief. We've lived here for 8 years and we've collected alot of junk. We're moving the junk out to the sidewalk and packing up things that we can sell in a yard sale. It doesn't take long for junk collectors to rummage through our belongings on the sidewalk and haul them away. The other day while I was driving into town I saw this little Datsun pickup coming over the bridge loaded to the gills with junk. I couldn't believe my eyes and I'm surprised his little truck was able to move with all that junk.

I shouldn't make fun of the man in the Datsun because my husband looks forward to "big pickup" day also. Since we've lived here he has never had to buy a lawnmower. Every year he picks up a few lawnmowers that are broken and builds his own. This year his lawnmower is still running but he saw a like new lawnmower body that he couldn't pass up. So he's put the old engine in the new body and he's quite pleased. He calls it Black Beauty. He also scored a snow blower. He brought it home and discovered that it needed one part. He was going to go buy the part but then he found another snow blower and took that one home just for the part. When he was done with items that he brought home just for parts he put them back on our sidewalk and they're already gone.

June is going to be a very busy month for us. Kaelyn only has five days of school left and we have numerous graduation parties, birthday parties and even a wedding. It's good in a way because if I didn't have all these things planned I'd just end up staying home being bored.

Chad and I haven't been getting along very well this week. Everything he does seems to aggravate me. I'm sure he'll be happy when this pregnancy is over. I can be so evil sometimes. I'm not even sure what the problem is. We just had an argument over replacement windows. We do need new windows before winter arrives but its definitely not worth fighting about. I know nothing about windows but I had to have my say about things! Damn, I want windows that fold in for easy cleaning! :-p

Anyway, I've also been thinking and wondering if I should invite someone else to help coach me through labor. I just want Chad to be supported too. The problem is I can't think or decide on anyone that I know and I don't really feel comfortable hiring a doula. I'm terrible with strangers. I'm the type of person that would rather be by myself. I need to decide soon since I only have about 10 weeks left.

Speaking of my pregnancy, my groin pain is back. I've been making a good effort to walk everyday but I think that it's just something that I'll have to live with for now. I have a funny waddle going on. I bought a big excercise ball to sit on while I'm working at my desk because it seems to help the discomfort.