Tomorrow is the big day, the Superbowl. Which meant that I had to fight the crowds in the grocery store today since we're having some family over tomorrow to watch it. Chad was very helpful this week and cleaned the entire house so I really can't complain. I had a deadline to meet yesterday so I just told him that he was welcome to have a SB party but he'd have to do the cleaning. He didn't complain.

My grandparents took us out to dinner tonight. At first I thought it was because Chad had installed a new toilet for them but apparently it was just a reason to take "the favorites" out to dinner. Fuck! I hate that. Now, I'll stretch the truth and tell my siblings and parents it was because of the toilet because I hate to cause more hard feelings. It really sucks. Now that they don't live as close I've been able to hold them at bay a little. Why can't my gparents understand that they should treat all of their kids and grandkids equally? Chad thinks that I let it bother me way too much. I do, its hard for me to see the pain is causes my father mostly. Yet, I can't totally break the ties with my grandparents because they were good to me for 4 years that I worked and they cared for Kaelyn. On the other hand, Chad reminds me that I paid them generously for caring for her. Even though they've done alot of mean and hurtful things to my father and my siblings (along with other cousins and my uncle) my father does keep in touch with them and visit occasionally. I think that I need to have the same kind of relationship with them that my father does. It's just really really hard.

Oh, and I do think ahead about how my next child will not be the favorite grandchild. They only seem to have room for a favorite child (their daughter), a favorite grandchild (my cousin) and a favorite great-grandchild (my daughter). So I'm only a "favorite" because I'm the mother of the favorite great-grandchild. They need to be kind to me and Chad in order to gain access to Kaelyn. I've been on both sides of the coin. Growing up I wasn't in the "favorites" circle which meant no sleepovers at their house, they never babysat for us even when my parents asked, and none of the extras that grandparents normally give and it hurt. Now, I'm on the flip side and it still hurts.

Today, Kaelyn's teacher congratulated me and told me that Kaelyn told the class that she's going to be a big sister. One of her classmates said that they wished they could have a baby brother/sister. Kaelyn's reply was "All that you have to do is pray to God every night. It takes a long time but it will happen." Uh oh! My child is pushing her religious beliefs in school. Mrs. N and I had a good laugh about it. Imagine if we went to church.

Then this evening, she was on the phone with my mother. My mom asked what Kaelyn thought the baby will look like and Kaelyn's reply to this was "Black or white, whatever God decides." Ha ha! Won't Chad be surprised.

So my mom was telling my sister the story and her boyfriend, who is Cape Verdean, thinks that Kaelyn belongs in a baptist church. He also said that if the baby arrives and isn't white everyone will be pointing the finger at him. We laughed and laughed.

I'll admit that I did feel proud that Kaelyn doesn't associate black babies with black families and white babies with white families. I strive to make sure that she knows that all people are the same. I guess its working.

I've had a rough 4 days or so. Before I got pregnant I took Zyrtec for my allergies. I'm allergic to just about everything. When I found out I was pregnant I stopped taking them. I was determined that I wouldn't need them while I'm pregnant. Well, this weekend things changed. I'm not sure why but everything seemed to trigger my allegies and then next thing I knew I was having asthma attacks. I can't remember the last time that has happened but I do know that its been at least five years. Chad wanted to bring me to the emergency room but I wouldn't go. I called the pharmacist and asked which Class Zyrtec was in. Class B. Last night, I decided that I needed to take one or things would get worse. I called my dr. this morning and she agreed that its much more important that the baby and I are able to breathe so I'm back on the Zyrtec. This evening, after having the meds in my system for almost 24 hours, I'm feeling 90% better.

Chad has always been a big help when it comes to the dusting and vacuuming. I simply can't do it. We have a special vacuum cleaner but it still bothers me. The only thing that is left to do is get rid of the dog. We are on the top of the list at the "no kill" shelter so hopefully they'll call us very soon. Until then, we've been keeping her out of the living space of the house. If its too cold outside she stays in the basement.

On a brighter note, we told Kaelyn that she's going to be a big sister. Now that I'm 12 weeks and we've started telling family I didn't want her to hear it from anyone else. She's delighted and asking lots of questions. One day when I was cooking, she came into the kitchen and said "I'm gonna be the best big sister ever!" Too cute!

We're diehard Boston sports fanatics in this house. Needless to say we're thrilled that the Pats are going to the Superbowl again. Chad is looking for a way to get to Houston. I already told him that unless Mr. Kraft invites him personally by sending a ticket his way he can forget about it. It's not totally out of the question since he is a season ticket holder his name now goes into a lottery system to purchase Superbowl tickets. Like I said, its a lottery, so his chances are slim to none. We'll most likely be watching it from our cozy living room.

It's odd because I never really followed football until my current job. Now that's all I do is follow sports because I need to. It's my livelihood.

I've taken the same list of questions that Rachel asked her girls and I asked Kaelyn, who is 4.

1. What is your favorite food?
bananas

2. How much does a hat cost?
7 dollars

3. What is the moon made out of?
a cloud

4. What is your favorite tv show?
Liberty's Kids

5. Why is the sky blue?
because the sun is out

6. How old is mommy?
28 (close 29)

7. What is your last name?
she says her whole name

8. Why do zebras have stripes?
Because zebras like stripes.

9. What does a plumber do?
What is a plumber?

10. Where do you live?
on Axxxxxx Ave.

The area schools have closed tomorrow because of the frigid weather. I'm so happy!

I had an appt. today with an OB/GYN which I hadn't mentioned yet because I was nervous about how the appt would go. A couple of my friends had recommended this doctor and they had lots of good things to say about her. I met with her today and so far I really like her alot. She spent alot of time with me, we talked about my pregnancy with K and the delivery and I cried and she hugged me. She's very supportive of a VBAC and she's still breastfeeding her 2 year old which made me all warm and fuzzy inside. I feel better now.

Tuesday night the movie theater runs a special, $4.00 admission and free popcorn. I went to see Mona Lisa Smile with two of my girlfriends. It was nice to get out with other adults. Kaelyn didn't want me to go at first but Chad told her that they could make cookies together. All was well in her world.

Yesterday I had to pick up Kaelyn from school a little early. I had a doctor's appt. and Chad's car still isn't fixed. It was the rackinpinion (sp) steering that needed to be replaced. It should be finished today, hopefully.

My "send off" appt. with the RE went well. I had an ultrasound which once again confirmed a viable pregnancy. He said the heartbeat was strong and all looked good. I told him that I've been feeling lousy but it's a small price to pay for the end result.

It's snowing and we are suppossed to hit record low temps tonight and tomorrow. Where we live its suppossed to keep snowing through tomorrow. I'm hoping that school gets cancelled. I don't think that I want to leave the house in those frigid temps.

I think that we need to change our sleeping arrangements. Kaelyn starts out in our bed and then I move her to a toddler bed in our room. Very rarely does she stay in the toddler bed all night. She usually climbs into our bed at 1 or 2am. This wouldn't be so bad if we had something bigger than a full size bed. Once she jumps into bed, I'm dangling off the edge. Until recently it hadn't bothered me but since being pregnant my sleep pattern has changed and I'm often having trouble staying asleep at night.

The other problem is my husband. He has always snored but I can't stand it anymore. I think that its a combination of him snoring louder and also my difficulty of getting into a deep sleep at night. I feel like I'm constantly trying to get him to turn onto his side to help the snoring so that I can get back to sleep. I'm becoming a very hostile person over this.

At 5am this morning when I couldn't sleep anymore because of his snoring and Kaelyn hogging the bed I decided that things needed to change. We've been talking about getting a queen size (or king? not sure if it will fit in our room) bed. I think that will be our plan with our tax refund. When we do get it I'll move the full size bed into the spare room so that once the baby comes I won't have to worry. Chad (and Kaelyn if she chooses) can sleep in one bed and I can sleep in the other bed with the baby.

Yesterday was a very exciting day in our household. Kaelyn got her ears pierced. She's been asking to have it done for about 6 months but I really wasn't sure how she would do. Last night in the mall, we looked at studs and she spotted a blue pair that happen to be her birthstone. She loved them and kept talking about them all through the mall. I asked her if she was sure she wanted to do this and she said she was. When we got there I asked the assistant manager if two of them could do her ears at the same time because I was afraid we would get one done and then she would freak and not do the other. They could do that. She was so brave and complained for a few minutes after but didn't cry. She hasn't stopped talking about them since.

The alarm clock rang at 5:00am and I woke Chad but then I couldn't go back to sleep. I must have known that at 5:45am Chad would be calling upstairs for a ride to work because something was wrong with his car. It's a good thing its still dark at that early hour because the way I looked someone definitely would have ran their car off the road. Kaelyn was a trooper. I picked her up trying not to wake her but it didn't work. The temperature outside was 8 degrees.

We climbed back into bed when we got home and Kaelyn fell asleep about 6:30am. My belly was growling so I snuck downstairs to make tea and rye toast. I heard Kaelyn's voice calling. She had a bad dream so she came downstairs.

She's going to be in rare form in a couple of hours. She doesn't want to miss school because it is the teacher's assistants last day and she has something special to give her. Maybe I'll get lucky and she'll fall asleep at 10am until its time to go to school.

B's dad had to be intubated last night. I was already feeling pretty down today and when I found this out I came home and had a good long cry. Life can be so unfair.

Other than that, my clothes are starting to not fit. I'm not ready for maternity clothes I just need a bigger size. I'm constantly hungry. Constantly tired. My nails are growing nice and pretty!

I did make it to the bookstore the other night. They didn't have the Sears Breastfeeding book that Andrea suggested but they'll be getting more in any day. I did buy this and this.

I have a dedicated fax line in my house and something happened to it. The phone company wouldn't be able to come until Monday and their fees were pretty hefty. Chad worked on it all afternoon yesterday and got it working today. I can call the phone company and cancel. I really owed him so I made him and Kaelyn soup, split pea soup. Blech.

K's classmates dad, the man with ALS, is in the hospital and isn't breathing on his own. It started with an infection which they can't pinpoint and yesterday M got a call to get to the hospital right away. She said that it was really touch and go for awhile. I've offered to take B whenever she needs but I think that she has a pretty good support group between both sides of the family. Tomorrow I'm going to make homemade macaroni and cheese and drop it off at her house after school. I feel helpless. If you're the praying sort please keep this family in your prayers.

We're back on a schedule and it feels good. During Kaelyn's winter vacation and Chad having so many days off around the holidays I got myself into a rut. He would wake up with K and let me sleep until usually 10 or 11am. Once I woke I felt like shit for the rest of the day. Then at night I wouldn't be able to sleep good because I wasn't tired. It was turning into an evil cycle.

Today, K woke up at 8am and we both got out of bed and I took a shower right away. I even put a little makeup which makes me feel so much better. K was excited to see all of her friends, she kept asking if it was time for school yet. Finally it was time and I dropped her at school and picked up a few things at the grocery store. Now that I'm home I feel like I could take a nap but I'm trying my hardest not to. I want to get a good night of sleep tonight.

Tonight, I plan on heading to the bookstore by myself and treating myself to a book or two. I'm looking for a good breastfeeding book. I have a few ideas but please feel free to throw suggestions my way. I know its still early but I want to get a jump on things and be prepared this time.