At what age do kids learn to wipe their own bum? Kaelyn just yelled from the bathroom "Mom, can you please wipe my bum, my arm is not long enough."

I spoke with Paige, a midwife who does homebirths in our local area. We talked for a long while and she gave me a couple of referrals to other practicioners. One being a midwife who delivers in a small hospital and the other being a doctor of ostepathy. Chad and I need to further discuss our options.

We're staying home tonight, New Year's Eve. I'll probably be in bed by 10p.m. New Year's Eve has never excited me. Even when I'm not pregnant I hardly drink at all and its not my idea of fun to spend the evening with drunks. Friday night, we're having a small "New Year" celebration at Chad's cousins house. The adults will play Sequence and the kids will play Sequence for Kids.

I better get dressed. My neice is over again today and the kids want to go outside and ride their scooters and bikes. I just want to take a nap.

This morning at breakfast my neice asked each of us what our favorite things to do are. Kaelyn's reply, "playing", my reply "sleeping". Sleeping is my current hobby.

The day after Christmas was the best holiday present I received. I had an appt. for an ultrasound. Chad and I were able to see our baby's heartbeart. I felt myself sigh in relief and I let my guard down for the first time since I found out I was pregnant. I know that we aren't out of the woods yet but it sure did help make my holiday brighter.

I have to call the RE's office today to make an appt. for a "send off" visit. At this time they'll do one last ultrasound in their office and then they'll see me on my way.

Mani has been extrememly helpful. She sent me a list of midwives in my area and there is only one practice locally but I plan on calling them today. I'm not sure that I'd feel comfortable with a home birth at this point but I really do want to be successful with a VBAC. Like Mani said to me, the midwives may be able to recommend a VBAC friendly OB.

There is also a doctor of osteopathy who works in the OB/GYN office that I go to. I'd like to find out more about him. I have alot of options to explore.

My "extended deadline" was yesterday and I finished up with plenty of time. I feel a huge weight lifted off of me. I'm finally able to enjoy my family without worrying about not finishing in time. Today, my neice is over since my sister has to work. I thought about bringing them to the movies but there isn't anything playing that I think would keep Kaelyn's interest. The only possibility is Peter Pan.

On Christmas Day I realized that I had no reason to be in a funk. My life is good. I realized this when I walked into my Memere and Pepere's house and Pepere was dressed as Santa. They're going through a tough time, more on that in a moment, and they still had the Christmas Spirit. At first I thought that maybe it was because of their religion but then I realized that its a combination of things. Their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren make the holidays what they are. They amaze me.

My grandparents, my mom's parents, are the most loving, honest and fair people that I know. Pepere and Memere are 86 and 85 respectively. I've never heard them say a harsh word about anyone and they make a point to say good things about people who aren't all that good! My uncle, who has lived with them for as long as I can remember is about 52 and is an alcoholic. In years past there was never much said (by my gparents) about his condition even though everyone knows. My grandparents feel that no matter what he is their son. Well, he's gotten really bad and he's knocking on death's door. He's literally drinking himself to death. He's been in the hospital a half dozen times this year for internal bleeding but once he starts feeling a little better he signs himself out of the hospital. Everyone has tried to talk him into getting help but he doesn't want to hear it. My grandparents are starting to feel the stress of this. They dreaded Christmas even though they put on a good face. My uncle was in his bedroom crying in so much pain because he's hurting his body so badly. He can hardly walk but he calls a cab to pick him and bring him to the liquor store to get a bottle of vodka. He drinks the whole bottle on the drive back home. My grandmother is a strong person and none of her children have seen her cry until now. She's crying everyday. She wants to find a way to get him committed. We're not sure if she can do this or not and my mom and my aunts are looking into it. It is the only option as they won't throw him out on the street. I can't imagine watching my own child die.

Kaelyn and I went down for a nap at 2p.m. She insisted she wasn't tired yet she's still sleeping. I just woke up. I'm hoping that the nap helps me get through the night. I'm glad that Kaelyn took a nap because she'll be up late tomorrow and no doubt she'll wake up early tomorrow morning. I've got to go take a shower, get dressed and put a little makeup on so that I don't look so "bah humbugish". I'll snap out of this by the morning I'm sure.

Merry Christmas to all!

I have no Christmas spirit at all this year. I feel like shit. I know that I said that in my last post but I still feel like shit. On top of my allergies I pinched a nerve in my shoulder/neck area on Monday morning while I was getting Kaelyn dressed. I should have gone to the chiropractor but I kept saying, "It will feel better tomorrow." Top that off with the fact that I'm starting to have "morning sickness" and this makes me not want to eat doesn't help.

I still have to wrap Chad's gifts. He has wrapped everything else and he's out buying a gift certificate for my grandparents to their favorite restaurant. I don't think that I've forgotten anyone but one never knows. Someday I'd like to rent a cabin for the week of Christmas and hibernate. I'd just invite my parents and my siblings. Then we wouldn't have to worry about splitting our time visiting all of the relatives and dragging my child out in the elements. I wouldn't have to worry about all of the people with colds and flu being around us.

I'll try to go eat right now.

I feel like shit. I think that the tree is bothering my allergies but Chad thinks I'm coming down with a cold. I'm not willing to give into a cold. I'm allergic to everything and since I found out I'm pregnant I've stopped taking my Zyrtec. I guess I need to find a safe alternative if I ever plan on heading outdoors this spring.

I napped for a couple hours this afternoon after being at a christening all day. I woke up hungry and Chad went to get me a cacoila sandwich from my favorite Portuguese restaurant. Kaelyn is out with Chad's cousin and his wife and kids looking at Christmas lights. I think that after I eat I'll lay my head on my pillow for awhile.

Today is Kaelyn's last day of school before the holidays and then she has two weeks off. Today they are doing their gift exchange, well its really a book exchange which I thought was a really great idea. I know that I've said it time and time again but her teacher is great and Kaelyn comes home and tells me all the great things they learned that day. Yesterday was "reindeer day" so everyone wore brown, and they learned about reindeer and played reindeer games. They even did the Reindeer Pokey, which a a reindeer version of the Hokey Pokey.

I had a deadline of 12/20 for work which would have been tough to accomplish but I was fine with it because once I was done the next two weeks there would hardly be anything to do. Since Kaelyn is off it was a great plan. Except they've extended the deadline til 12/30. While I'd still like to get everything done by Sunday, I know myself and now that I have more time I'll use that to my advantage. Argh! I even have Kaelyn sleeping at my parents house tonight so that I could work until late tonight and then all day tomorrow. Back to work.

I'm failing miserable with my fotolog. I've come to the conclusion that I need to get a digital camera. Maybe if Chad gets a bonus this year he'll give me some of the money to buy one. That would make me so happy.

On another note, I'm craving ginger ale which is odd because I hate carbonated beverages. I broke down and bought myself some and I drank the whole bottle. It's gone now and I want more! Chad may need to do groceries while I'm pregnant. I'm usually very good and only buy the things that we need. This week I noticed that Ben & Jerry's was 3/$7 and I bought 3. Chad and I shared the Pistachio Pistachio and just a little while ago I broke into the New York Superfudge Chunk but I haven't yet broken the seal on the Cherry Garcia yet.

Oh and just in case you're wondering, I'm not done with my Christmas shopping. Chad and I agreed not to spend much on each other this year but I haven't gotten him one thing yet. I better get my act together. All of the others that I have left to buy for I have no idea what to get them.

Yesterday's holiday concert was a success. They did a wonderful job and afterwards Kaelyn told Mrs. N, "I love being on stage." We were all surprised because she's typically very shy but she's not shy on stage. She did a great job and was so happy to see us there.

I was delighted when her Weekly Reader came home this week and it was about holiday celebrations. We looked at it together and I was amazed that her teacher had already taught them about Las Posadas, Kwanzaa and Hanukkah. She really loves school. In fact on the way to school she said that she's gonna miss some of her friends that are going to Kindergarden but she's happy that she gets to stay with Mrs. N for one more year.

Years and years ago Chad's mother painted all of the pieces for a Nativity Scene. We're not very religious but its something that Chad has cherished even more so since his mother died. This is the first year he decided to set it up since Kaelyn has been able to walk. He's explained to her that it is very special to him and she isn't allowed to touch it. She's been really good about it and she looks at it often but hasn't touched that I know of. She's fixated on mangers and she saw a life size nativity set at the town square. She said it would be awfully nice if we could get one for our front yard. Ha!

Thanks to everyone for the great comments they've been leaving. It's nice being able to write and share how I'm feeling with others.

Working at home has been quite the adjustment. I don't really do anything until noon because its hard to keep a 4 year old quiet when I'm on the phone with a customer. Yet, I'm also finding it difficult to remember that if I hear the fax machine ring I don't need to check it to see who its from and what its about. We have a major deadline to hit on 12/20. Once that is over I'll be able to settle into a routine.

Kaelyn is enjoying every minute of it. Somedays she sleeps until 9-9:30am after going to bed at 8pm at the latest. She needs lots of sleep. It may be a coincidence but since I've been home there have been no "night terrors" to report and she seems a bit more relaxed. She's still biting her nails (I'm not sure if I've mentioned that) but I'm wondering if its just a bad habit now and not because she's nervous. She has her first Holiday Concert at school on Tuesday and she's thrilled.

I haven't been posting any photos on my fotolog because they seemed to look grainy to me. Maybe its just my monitor. Let me know how those photos were. If they look okay I'll try to get some more scanned and posted.

Today's beta bloodwork has more than doubled itself from Tuesday's results. That's encouraging even though we aren't out of the dark yet. On Dec. 26th I'll have an ultrasound to be sure that everything is in its spot and to see if there is more than one. I'm exhausted, which could also be due to the fact that I'm trying like heck to fight off a cold.

Almost forgot to mention that my estimated due date is August 12th. Andrea mentioned a September baby in the comments, which would have been nice but I have one of those already! Kaelyn was born in Sept.

Yesterday I decided to do a pregnancy test before I left for the lab. I was quite shocked to see two pink lines. I'm pregnant! I went to the lab for bloodwork and they confirmed that I am pregnant. I go back on Thursday morning to make sure that the numbers are rising like they should be. I've started Prometrium to help sustain the pregnancy.

We've decided to hold off in telling anyone (except my blog readers) except for my best friend and Chad's best friend. It's hard to keep it from everyone though. I'm being cautiously optomistic at this time.

I think that I"ve just had my ass kicked by a Christmas tree!

It snowed and snowed!

Saturday we went to pick up our tree. The tree farm is located a narrow peninsula surrounded by the ocean. Even though it was snowing at home it was a rainy/snowy mix. It was so miserable but we had to go because they normally only do it one weekend a year. We picked a tree and were so ready to get out of the elements that I almost forgot to pay the lady. We got to meet Kaelyn's classmate, B, grandparents and aunt.

Today when I brought Kaelyn to school, B's mom told me that they are going to open the tree farm next weekend also because they didn't have much business. I sure do hope that they can get some sort of article in the newspaper so that they'll have a better turnout.

Saturday night my dad had reservations for the whole family for dinner. The roads weren't great but we all braved it and had a lovely dinner. My siblings and their significant others and my neice were all there and it was nice to be together as a family.

Tomorrow morning I go for beta bloodwork (pregnancy test). I normally wait a few more days because I seem to ovulate late in my cycle but I have to go that way tomorrow to drop off Chad's contribution to all of this. We need to make sure those swimmers are in good condition!

I'm having trouble finding time to update my blog. The mornings are spent with Kaelyn and then when I drop her at school I rush home to have 2 1/2 hours of uninterrupted work time. Every day I feel myself working out a routine but its not easy.

This morning consisted of getting an oil change in the van and running to the store for things that I needed. New England is bracing for the big winter storm and everyone was at the grocery store with me. Oh well, I only needed to pick up a few things.

Tomorrow we were going to get our Christmas tree. We probably still will even if it is snowing. I've mentioned before that the dad of one of Kaelyn's classmates has ALS. His parents had planted Christmas trees as a retirement project. Once their son was diagnosed with ALS they decided to sell the trees and all of the proceeds go to ALS research. They only do it for one weekend in December and this happens to be the weekend. We'll be buying our tree there this year.

Kaelyn hasn't had a night terror since I last wrote about them. They didn't start when she started school, they started this summer but they were less frequent. It's hard to tell but she seems much more calm this week. She hasn't had any episodes of crying when its time for school and she really looks forward to her day.

Today is the first day that I noticed her coming out of her shell. Usually, when we wait in the schoolyard for the teacher to come out she doesn't leave my side. Even when I try to encourage her to play with the other kids. Today, her friend Brooke, arrived and gave Kaelyn a big hug. Brooke encouraged Kaelyn, by taking her by the hand, to run with her and play with the other kids. Needless to say, I was delighted.

The turkey was a success. I invited my sister and her family over and everyone raved over the turkey. I'm glad because I get nervous when I cook for others. Then we had a nice family game of Michigan Rummy.

Tonight there was some sort of fire at a power plant in Cape Cod and we lost our power. It's pretty frightening for the whole area to be in total darkness. Before I knew the cause I was worried that it was the same kind of problem that happened in NYC this summer. I decided to go check on my elderly neighbors next door to make sure that they were all set up and knew exactly what was happening. As I was coming back across the street, with Kaelyn in my arms, I tripped on the curbing and went ass over tea kettle. We were okay, I really had the wind knocked out of me though. One of my other neighbors happened to be outside and I was so embarrassed. I told him I was fine but I could barely get the words out. I didn't want him to see me cry.

Tomorrow I have to go on a one day business trip to pick up my new laptop and get some training with the new software that they are using. My flight leaves tomorrow morning at 6:30am and my flight home leaves at 6:30am on Wed. It's gonna be a killer. Kaelyn is sleeping over my parents house tonight and tomorrow night. Chad also starts work at 6am and it wouldn't be fair to wake her up so early and drag her out in the cold. It is suppossed to be 29 degrees all day tomorrow.

I hope K has a good night. I'm not sure if I've mentioned here but she's been having night terrors. They seem to be happening more frequently. She doesn't remember a thing and there's not much I can do while its happening. There is no way to wake her from it. It's probably more scary for Chad and I. She's an incredibly nervous child and I feel helpless. Chad tells me that he was exactly like her when he was a child. She's biting her fingernails something horrible. It makes me so sad. Today was the first "good" day that she's had in quite some time. I'm hoping that now that I'm home maybe it will help her feel more at ease. Who am I trying to kid!?

Actually thinking back, she held it together really well tonight during the power outage. In the beginning she was getting freaked out but I helped her talk her way through it and it seemed to work. I allowed her to phone my sister and she counseled my sister the same way I had counseled K. It was so funny to hear her but it seemed to help her to think that she was helping others get through it. She was also happy with herself that she went with me to check on our elderly neighbors.